She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize