Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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