i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
