i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
