I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
