I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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