Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
