Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
this boner is exhausting
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You did what with his pubic hair?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
