I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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