We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
you never un-have a 4some
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
