"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
