I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It's just like the Real World with babies
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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