Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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