the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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