I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
