nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He passed out mid-signature
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
