Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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