if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
