Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
