apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
