I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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