How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
