She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
