cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
