So drunk its hurt
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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