we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
