Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
