i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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