Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I wish there were birth control emojis
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
