Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
