I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
