i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
