she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
