I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Randomize
