I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
