It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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