he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
