I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
vagina is talking i cant
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Randomize
