All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Randomize
