ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
