we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
