i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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