Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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