You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
