No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
