Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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