Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
