Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
