We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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