Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
