So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
