I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
