I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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