Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
