he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
