Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
