so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
