you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
