So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
