you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
