I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
