Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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