when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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