My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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