The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
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