So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
