I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Alive.
So much puke
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
