last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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