I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
